wow i’m so picky for an ugly person
boom clap the sound of my ass
blazin??? more like prayzin stay in church
my mom just said “watch this” then ran a red light and said “i just don’t care”
i want to sit on a kitchen counter in my underwear at 3 am with you and talk about the universe
last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up
911: how can I help you?
me: there’s a spider and I’m scared